Why I write?

I have found myself asking this question... Is it because it's cathartic? Is it because I think my opinion is so important? Is it because I think people don't really listen? Probably all of the above... But I think the biggest reason I write is because of my mother.

My dad has been a subject of many of my posts on this blog, because he is gone I ponder over what he has left me, the legacy of hard-headedness, pride in myself, being a protector, and the 'nothing can hold me down' attitude. While those were all qualities tied up within my dad, they were not exclusive to him. My mom has all of those qualities... I sometimes forget, that part of the gene pool is pretty deep. What I'm saying is I get those qualities from both my parents. While my Dad showed us kids what those qualities were, my mom showed us how we could make the most out of those qualities in us, and not let them get us into too much trouble. That she has those qualities too is something, but I can honestly say she has truly mellowed over the years... But if you confront her or tomorrow you threaten one her kids you take a chance that it will all come back to the surface!

You might ask "What does all this have to do with 'Why I write?'"

Well, me personally I know I am always one wearing my feelings on my sleeve for everyone to see, but I have often figured if people knew why I felt the way I do they might understand me better. I learned that from my mom, if people can understand you and why you feel a certain way about things it is easier for them to accept you. She has always known how she has felt about things and she has always stood her ground. That came about because she wrote what she felt, I remember reading her poetry about what she felt and why. I think for her it was an exercise in self-examination and a means to reinforce what she knew to be true. And for me my writing has become just that. It has become a way for me to share with people what I feel and why, but also reminds me why I feel that way about things.

It might seem simple that you believe what you believe. And that should never change. But there is something about time and where you are in the stream of your life that changes what you believe and why you believe it, and that viewpoint can change. That undeniable shift in our paradigm, our viewpoint, is most often responsible for a change in our beliefs. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I write to convince myself of what I believe. That you all get to read it is just gravy

But more about my Mom. My Mom is an awesome individual. Irma Arias Hood, is the second of five children, she was born at home in the Santa Julia neighborhood of Mexico City, the family emigrated to the US when she was about 6. The family settled in San Francisco and as a family of 7 they had no choice but to be poor. But you would never know any of that from looking and listening to her today. English is her second language, she skipped 2 grades when she got here from Mexico, while she was never a 'chola' people didn't mess with her, and she was stubborn. All of that you wouldn't know today. My Mom and Dad met and married in the span of three weeks, they met at Thanksgiving 1974 and were married before Christmas.

I write all of this down so you understand where I come from, too many times people look at me and go, "What does this white guy know?" They look at me and laugh, "Oh you're Mexican American, I would have never known!" Or without thinking they dismiss or disparage the Mexican culture, that's a little insulting not because I think that Mexican culture is more valuable than another, but because I know for me being multi-cultural has value. All of that comes from my parents, my mom and my dad equally. All of this is why my mom is cool! Of course that's what I am going to say! Right! It's my mom! But one of the things I had to remember as I wrote about my Dad was that I shouldn't regret anything that I didn't say, regret over the things left unsaid is almost poisonous. And that is why I want to tell you why my Mom is the coolest. I never want to regret NOT saying these things about her, if she should ever read this I want her to know that I am proud of who I am because she is one of the people that has helped me be the man I am. I am proud of her and I will never regret that!

She has always been the strong one in the family, as it should be, Mom is the glue that has always held the family together. Seriously though Mom is cool, It's the combination of little things and the big things that make her cool. I talked about the big things how and where she grew up. But the fact is my Mom is always growing, her favorite song from Linkin Park is "Faint", c'mon does your mom even listen to Linkin Park... In the last few years she became a vegan, even though she is a vegan, she will still have a taste of something with meat in it and she knows when something is good. Speaking of which, give the LoCali Conscious Convenience on Lincoln Blvd a try... But I digress, why is Mom cool? She has been the one with the even keel, she has been the one that knew us all as kids and knew what could make us happy. When I was ten and I wanted to try something different when it came to religion my mom didn't discourage me. She knew even then I did need and would need God in my life, and I thank my God everyday that she had the courage and insight to let me make my own choices. Today she is the one that knows when each of her kids is doing okay or when they are not. Mom is cool cause she can do that with a look. She could always read us like a book, and then tell us how the story should end.

And even as I write this I know my Mom will deny most if not all of this. That is the other thing about my Mom that makes her cool, she will never make a big deal about it. But there is one last reason why my Mom is so cool. Over time I have made sacrifices in my life and tried to help her take care of the family, and when the time came for me to start my own family she never held me back, she knew when those sacrifices were done. Now when I go through issues and problems I think back on how my Dad would have thought to do things and then I think about how my Mom even now encourages me to do things, and then I find the balance that makes me happy and because I follow my parents advice I know it's the right thing.

Through everything in life Mom's goal was for me and my sister and my brother to be happy. Whatever we were doing, she wants us to be happy. That is why I write. I makes me happy, it reminds me of those who are no longer with us, it reminds me why I feel the way I do about everything, and it makes me think of my Mother, who taught me that there is more to writing than just words and facts, it is the what, when, where, and why of how we feel and who we are. And that is one of the most important things we can preserve.