Stories We Tell...

The documentary Stories We Tell written and directed by Sarah Polley was intriguing. It really had me thinking about the stories we tell...

Each of us has our own stories, some we are afraid to tell and we have others that everyone knows. I think I am the latter. I have my stories and I am proud to tell them, not because I'm part of the story, it's more that I look back at the stories and I share a lesson, a laugh, or a tear with the person that is listening. A good friend that reads my blog mentioned that a lot of my posts are stories are about my parents. At first I denied it, but then I realized that it was true. I can't help but talk about them, or my grandparents, or the things I did as a kid. I look back and think I had a good childhood. But I also had my share of fights inside and outside the home, I didn't do as well in school as I should have or as well as my parents expected, but I did have all of the things I needed in life, I had parents and grandparents, I never went without a meal, I had support most of the time when I needed it. Now as I look around I see that so many people never had that...

Now I look back and I realize that I had so much more. This is why when I look at my life I know I need to be the best person I can be, I need to be there for my family and friends and for their kids. If I didn't have good people in my life I would not have turned out the way I am, I try to be conscientious, I try to be nice, sometimes I just try to be a sweet person. That is who I was raised to be, but that wasn't just my parents, friends like Bill, Billy and Jeff, taught me to be conscientious. Doreen, Nancy and Debbie, all taught me to be nice and sweet, and so many others made sure to tell me when I was sweet. That positive reinforcement helped me in so many ways. Those days when my dad decided to leave and do drugs were the darkest days for me, and all those folks were a ray of sunshine that I so desperately needed. Looking back at them and what they did for me I see why I try so hard, when it comes to my friends and their kids. Especially when I see both parents and kids try so hard to be good people. Even with all of the support I had, I had to try hard.

On to the stories we tell...



One of the deepest lessons I ever had about being conscientious was from Bill, he was old enough to be my grandpa and everyday had treated me like a son. He was a delivery driver for Wonder Bread, and back in the day all of the drivers would gather at the biggest local supermarket, it was their version of the water cooler, it was on the corner of 87th and Junipero Serra Blvd in Daly City. One day they noticed one of their number was missing, not much was said about until they decided to start making their runs to the smaller stores. Just as some of them started to drive off the missing driver pulled up, his own personal truck loaded down, the bed loaded and covered in canvas.

Before anyone else could speak one of the younger drivers piped up, "Making a run to the dumps, huh?"

The reply haunted that young man for a long time, "No, me and family are moving, that is everything we own back there!"

The lesson, 'Think before you speak,' and many more like it were taught to me through stories Bill told me.

Billy was closer to my age the lessons I learned from him were through his actions, despite his gruff and rough exterior, (LIES, ALL LIES!) the man has and even back then, the boy had a heart of gold. We didn't get along well as youngsters, but when I was 17 and in a jam, Billy offered to help me however he could. I'll always remember standing in the middle of the street him in his truck and me standing at the driver side window in the Daly City fog, just talking about how that help would work. What my options were and different ways things could work out. Despite the fact that we hadn't gotten along, I knew in that moment I had a friend for life, today Billy is one of the few friends from my youth I regularly keep in touch with. I think that is only because he misses me almost as much as I miss him!

Jeff was older than me by almost twenty years, but I learned patience from Jeff. Sometimes to get him to crack a smile or laugh at a joke was painful. You'd think he world was going to explode, or his poor head was going to crack if he smiled. But my patience payed off. Jeff was one of the smartest people I ever had the pleasure of learning from, but he was also patient in his teaching. I learned about sound, science and silence from Jeff. None of those three were in short supply with him. My own desire to learn flourished when he was around, and I will never forget that.

Doreen, Nancy and Debbie, sisters and cousin, always made sure I was nice. Doreen made sure I never forgot, under that frown was a smile waiting, no wanting to come out. From her own experience she knew despite the pains that come in life there were, there are still reasons to be happy, and show it to others. Nancy was always sweet to me, I think she knew how much I needed someone just to be sweet. Debbie was always the one to crack a joke, play the music loud, and just be a joker. She helped to remind me that couldn't always be stoic and stone faced. Denise, all I can say is, 'I miss her!'

Billy, Nancy, and Doreen share a wonderful mom. Nancy is also Debbie's aunt. It never failed, even before I went through bad times, Nancy and her family always treated me and mine like family. There in her home is where I learned to be sweet and caring to people outside my family, and by extension I became a part of their family. The love was and always has been there in me, I could be sweet with my mom and even caring with my sister and brother. But to be that way with others, that I learned from Nancy and her kids, from my friends Bill and Jeff. There are so many others that I don't have time to talk about, they all took me in, in one way or another, Darwyn and his wife Harriet, Skip and Diane (Jeff's parents), Koji and Daisy, my "other brother" Keoni, and his mom Veronica. All of them touched my life in a positive way, they all took care of me in one way or another and I am thankful for it every day.